"Apa kau tahu alasan ku dimasukkan kesini?"

"Karena kau gila?" jawab ku lugas

"Aku tidak gila! Hanya saja pikiranku ini sebenarnya bukan punyaku. Ini pikiran banyak orang yang kebetulan  ada dalam diriku." Dia menatap ku yang sedang mengernyitkan dahi, berusaha untuk mencerna kata-katanya.

"Dalam pikiran ku ini, sudah ada tempelan-tempelan bagaimana seharusnya hidup yang benar, yang sama kayak orang lain." jelasnya. "Kamu pikir aku mau tinggal disini? Tidak! Pikiran ku semakin sesak dengan tempelan-tempelan di sini. Jadi orang gila mesti begini, orang yang tak waras tidak boleh begitu." tambahnya.

"Hahaha... Pantas saja orang di luar sana menganggap kamu gila! Mana bisa orang-orang waras itu mengerti omongan seperti ini." Aku diam sesaat, memperhatikan tiap jengkal tubuhnya, "Tidak ada jiwa yang bermasalah. Yang bermasalah adalah hal-hal yang ada di luar jiwa itu. Yang bermasalah itu kebiasaan, aturan, orang-orang yang mau menjaga tatanan. Kalian hanya perlu keluar dari lingkungan mereka, karena orang-orang seperti kamu hanya berbeda."

"Apakah itu sakit?"
"I-iya.."
"Haha... Baguslah"
"...."
"Itu tandanya kau hidup!"

Never Ending Fight

"bullying is justice, we're punishing wickedness"

we're the one who taught that to children

 

adult versus adult,

a battle of right and wrong answers

on TV,

we teach children who's "wrong"

that heroes must kill villains

as they watch TV,

children end up thinking that "Evil must be destroyed"

 

if I were right,

and you were in the wrong

would that mean our fate would be to fight each other?

we always fight over the answer

but it's because we're both here that we can find an "answer"

 

in this world where there are demons and angels

we can't tell who's right and who's wrong

"Demon or Angel"

we have no way to know which one we are

and we don't want to know either

 

in a terrible world ruled by justice

if the majority is "right", then everyone is "wrong"!?

Dear God who created "justice", can you hear me?

it's because you created such a thing that everyone fights

 

I thought that the evil I should fight was inside me

that I shouldn't blame the world

 

changing something is nearly the same thing

as changing yourself

if "we" ourselves change, it's nearly the same thing

as changing the world

 

in this world where there are demons and angels

we can't tell who's right and who's wrong

we should be able to find the "answer" by considering all the dissenting opinions

if you just insist you're right, it's not an "answer"

 

if my biggest contradiction is that I object to your objections

does that mean that everything I say is nonsense?

Delusif(?)

Orang-orang yang jatuh cinta terkadang terbelenggu oleh ilusi yang diciptakan oleh dirinya sendiri. Ia tak kuasa lagi membedakan mana yang benar-benar nyata, mana yang hasil kreasi hatinya yang sedang memendam rindu. Kejadian-kejadian kecil, cukup sudah untuk membuatnya senang.

Merasa seolah-olah itu kabar baik.
Padahal saat itu ia tahu kalau itu hanya bualan perasaannya, maka saat itulah hatinya akan hancur berkeping-keping.

Patah hati! menuduh seseorang itu
mempermainkan dirinya. Lah, siapa yang mempermainkan siapa, coba?

Karena kitalah yang bertanggung jawab atas perasaan dan pengharapan yang telah masuk ke dalam hati.

Lalu Lintas Waktu

Dalam tubuhku ada ratusan kanal, lalu lintas waktu. Hari lalu dan hari kini hiruk-pikuk bergantian mengalir, mengisi dan memenuhi ruang. Dalam arusnya terbawa suara-suara reruntuhan peradaban: mulai yang pekik dan bisik, dari yang dengung dan ratap murung. Kesemuanya memantulkan warna yang asing bagi mata: hitam pada sisi muka, putih pada sisi lain bergurat luka.

Sementara di pinggiran puluhan kain berkibar-kibar digelar, ada yang rajut, puluhan yang tenun, ratusan yang dipintal. Semua dibawa pedagang dan kelasi dari dunia yang jauh, tersadai begitu saja, tergadai begitu rupa dari panggulan. Sebab sekian punggung tak kuasa menanggung beban, keringat merepih sewarna tembaga murni para penambang. Mengapa menghalau kesedihan seperti menanam mumbang?

Dalam tubuhku ada ratusan kanal, lalu lintas waktu, tapi tak juga mengalirkan sangkaku dan sangkalmu, sebab kita pedagang itu, si penawan hulu.

Menanam Rahasia

Kau hidupi rahasia layaknya bayangan sendiri. Ia melekat di usia, getah menanti disadap ingatan-ingatan yang ingin diungkap.

ketika kau memungut buah yang jatuh, bayangan kau ikut memungut seluruh, hingga tanah sukar bedakan tubuh dan ruh.

kau bersembunyi dari banyak penyesalan dan penyangkalan layaknya menentukan arah arsiran pada gambar pemandangan dalam pelajaran sekolah dasar, meski aku tahu arah datangnya cahaya itu.
 
kau rawat rahasia dan menamakannya: aku, petani yang lupa menanamnya.

Cinta Tak Pernah Jauh Darimu

Cinta tak jauh darimu. Ia bukan jernih embun, tak lahir di tanah basah, tak pada rimbun dedaun.

Cinta tak jauh darimu. Ia bukan kicau burung, tak ucapan selamat pagi, tak juga merdu doa-doa.

Cinta yang kekal tak meniatkan diri untuk tampak puitis. Cinta yang kekal justru tampak sementara,  meski kekal tidaknya kesementaraan masih sering kita perkarakan.

Cinta adalah cacing tanah yang nekat menggali liang di sekitar kandang ayam meski tahu suatu hari akan terpatuk juga.

Cinta adalah tukang roti yang tak kau pedulikan tapi nekat lewat rumahmu berbekal rekaman lagu yang itu-itu saja.

Waktu Sebuah Bahasa

Aku tak pandai benar membahasakan waktu, jika kubilang jerat ia tak juga mengikat, jika kubilang jebakan ia tak mengecohku.
Rasanya aku ingin mandi tiap mendengarnya seperti ada ribuan bisul yang menyembul pikiran-pikiran banal menjadi gatal-gatal, detik-detik seperti air yang terpercik dan langsung menusuk-nusuk kepala.
Jika kubilang kabut ia tampak begitu jelas, jika kubilang awan ia langit begitu cerah.
Aku tak pandai membahasakan waktu. Aku hanya tahu bahasa punya waktu: terus berdetik, dan sesekali berdetak di aku, meski tak setetap waktu,

aih, itu waktu bahasa: kamu!

Datang

Sebentar lagi ia datang
menggandeng turun bulan,

meninggalkan dunia benderang
yang membekas di pelipis.

Dari dua tangkup tangan
yang tak saling tangkap
dan memilih melipat jari,

kebenaran harus dibelah
meski selubungnya bergetah,

sebab dunia hanya ajarkan
cara menyayat dan mengiris.

Sebentar lagi ia datang,
setelah kita melihat,
secercah damai itu:

malaikat yang bertandang
ke dalam sepasang matamu
ketika subuh dan petang.

I was an open book, you were an ocean breeze.

We found a tender love it blossomed wild and free. Pure proof was in your arms when you were kissing me. I was an open book, you were an ocean breeze; rustling through pages I never should have let you see.

Friend’s asking where you are, say I misunderstood. I say he’s gone away, but he’s not gone for good. Speak of romantic plans we’re looking forward to. Meanwhile, imagining you end up with someone new.

Was I so wrong being such an open book? Trusting so soon, losing all the tender time it took to love you, just to crawl away with broken wings and the pieces of my heart still splintering. It’s surely over now, but how I ache inside. This ocean full of tears that I’m about to cry. You’re sorry for this pain, yeah, that’s not what you meant. I’m sorry too but my feelings more permanent.

For those of you

For those of you who tried, but didn't make it, settle down. It's never what you think. The summit doesn't differ from the deep, dark valley, and the valley doesn't differ from the kitchen sink.

For those of you who thought you'd be forgotten, the friends you've made will try their best, to make it so. Think of all the beauty that you left behind you. You can take it if you want it, and then let it go.

And this is not a test. No, it is not a test. What do you think? Taking numbers never made sense, anyways. 'Cause you can have it, if you want it.

For those of us who try to keep remembering, try to do our better than our best. Think of all the children in the drifts of snow. Winners never quit, but winters never rest.

sweet as it is

Sometimes I can be perfectly sweet, got the sugary me all stuffed up in my sleeve and I’ll talk of ponies and rainbows and things and I’m just who you want me to be: Like most creatures down here on the ground. I’m composed of the elements moving around but I grow and change and I shift and I switch.

And it turns out I’m actually kind of a bitch but that only happens when I get provoked by some piece of shit asshole we all sadly know, and I sit and I write while reminding you all that mean songs are still better than going postal.

And that guy’s an asshole, that girl’s a bitch; but baby it’s natural no getting away from it. So say it out with me and then let it go. Fuck that guy he’s just an asshole and so I surprised you with some of my words and I know that surprises, while fun, still can hurt.

I hate to think I have ruined the day. You’re the dick and the queen of the high horse parade, but I’m sick and tired of your poisonous ways. You’re a toxin wasting perfectly good space and I say what I think ‘cause it’s more economic than drugs or a drink.

Fuck that guy he’s just an asshole and I won’t let him in under my skin. Your a sad sack of shit? It’s pathetic, just a festering sore that will never be more than that if I don’t let it.

Thank you for every sweet sour swing mood :)

sweet home away from home

Who needs a house up on a hill when you can have one on four wheels and take it anywhere the wind might blow? You don't ever have to mow the yard just hang a map and throw a dart and pray to God the engine starts and go.

Water and electric and a place to drain the septic. Any KOA is A-OK as long as I'm with you. So come on hitch your wagon to the living room I'm draggin'. If I can't bring you to my house I'll bring my house to you.

Parking lots and county lines and counting mile marker signs where the buffalo and antelope roam. Greetings from waterfall, one more postcard for the wall off in our own sweet home away from home.

In Sumatra, in Java, in Kalimantan and away we go to Malaysia and Brunei. No, we won't stop 'til we've seen 'em all. So what else could you ask for? You don't even need a passport to see the whole world from our living room.

It don't matter where we go, we'll never be alone anywhere beside you is a place that I'll call home.

If you... Just do it!

Woke up on the wrong side of rock bottom. Throw a lot of pennies in a well that done run dry. Light up and smoke 'em if you have 'em but you just ain't got 'em yep ain't we always looking for a bluer sky?

If you're ever gonna find a silver lining it's gotta be a cloudy day. If you wanna fill your bottle up with lightning you're gonna have to stand in the rain. If lemonade keeps turning into lemons and you wear your heart on a ripped unraveled sleeve been run through the wringer and pushed on to your limit.

Say you're just unlucky but luck ain't what you need 'cause if you're ever gonna find a four leaf clover you gotta get a little dirt on your hands. And if you wanna find a head that fits your shoulder you're gonna have to go to the dance.

If you wanna find the honey you can't be scared of the bees and if you wanna see the forest you're gonna have to look past trees.

You only live once: just follow your arrow

If you save yourself for marriage you're a bore. If you don't save yourself for marriage you're a horrible person. If you won't have a drink then you're a prude but they'll call you a drunk as soon as you down the first one. If you can't lose the weight then you're just fat but if you lose too much then you're on crack.

You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't, so you might as well just do whatever you want. So, make lots of noise, kiss lots of boys or kiss lots of girls, if that's something you're into when the straight and narrow gets a little too straight roll up a joint, or don't. Just follow your arrow wherever it points.

If you don't go to church you'll go to hell. If you're the first one on the front row you're a self-righteous son-of -a- can't win for losing, you'll just disappoint 'em. Just cause you can't beat 'em, don't mean you should join 'em.

Say what you think, love who you love 'cause you just get so many trips around the sun. Yeah, you only, only live once.

thank you for your opinion, Sir

You sure look real pretty in your glass house and you probably think you’re too good to take the trash out, well are you dumb or are you blind cause it’s a real fine line between telling a joke and turning a knife. Don’t wreck my reputation. Let me wreck my own.

Step off! Yeah you’re getting too close to me with all your negativity... Just get lost! Just try to make a little difference here's why you gotta interfere, just keep climbing that mountain of dirty tricks when you finally get to the top.

You screwed everybody over in this town there ain’t nothing between you and the cold hard ground, keep running your mouth and stretching the truth. You just might find a hole in your parachute 'Cause whatever gets you high wll always bring you down

Sticks and stones
May build a throne
But you’ll be up there all alone

dedicated this to people who fuck'd up with other people lives

Dalam diam (2)

Dalam diam aku menapaki bekas jejak mu, berharap energi yang tertinggal dapat ku serap.
Dalam diam aku melamat seluruh gerak-gerik mu, mencari-cari keberadaan hitam mu.
Dalam diam aku menguliti mu, dengan keyakinan dapat mengendus bau mu.
Dalam diam aku, dengan bangga menyebarmu dalam butiran debu.
Sekali lagi, dalam diam tanpa kau tak pernah bisa mengetahuinya.

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Di dunia ini, banyak orang mencintai seseorang yang bahkan bicara dengannya langsung lebih dari 5 menit saja pun belum pernah.

Itulah kenapa urusan perasaan itu disebut 'gila'.

Mungkin itu termasuk kalian, bukan? Diam-diam memendam perasaan. Tapi tidak mengapa. Bersabarlah. Menunggu. Besok lusa, jika tiba waktunya, benar caranya, dan berjodoh, kalian bisa menghabiskan 50 tahun bersamanya.

-tere liye

Apakah post ini benar-benar membutuhkan sebuah judul?

Ketika sesuatu yang sebenarnya tidak wajar tetapi dimaklumi secara terus-menerus lama-kelamaan akan menjadi sebuah budaya. Ya budaya yang salah karena berdasarkan ketidakwajaran yang dimaklumi.

Mungkin terdengar berlebihan memang tapi itu lah yang saya rasakan. Entah ini hanya pemikiran lugu saya atau memang inilah fenomena yang terjadi ditengah-tengah kita.

Banyak ketidaklaziman yang kata orang-orang "tak apa-apa kan sudah zamannya". Zaman nya siapa? Oh mungkin kah zaman jahiliyah? Ah berapa memangnya umur saya? Seperti orang tua saja bicaranya.

Untitled

“Cinta sejati selalu menemukan jalan. Ada saja kebetulan, nasib, takdir, atau apalah namanya. Tapi sayangnya, orang-orang yang mengaku sedang dirundung cinta justru sebaliknya, selalu memaksakan jalan cerita, khawatir, cemas, serta berbagai perangai norak lainnya.

Tidak usahlah kau gulana, wajah kusut. Jika berjodoh, Tuhan sendiri yang akan memberikan jalan baiknya. Kebetulan yang menakjubkan. Kalau kau tidak bertemu, berarti bukan jodoh. Sederhana bukan?

—Tere Liye, novel “Kau, Aku & Sepucuk Angpau Merah”